I weighed first thing this morning and was back up by 5. OK. So apparently I have some pretty wild water retention going on here and I am right in the middle of my cycle!
And I also have met with a stumbling block. I am currently nursing an injured father. He is strong and proud …. but also does not like to be alone. All day today I was by his side. I’m tired. And disheartened. And I feel a little dis-railed. But hey – it’s not me in the cast! (although I would rather it me than him to be honest …..). We did not have a radio or a TV on all day today. And my head was alone with its very own thoughts! Eeks! 😉
And then later on I read this post on SSTM (Stop the Thyroid Madness) from a woman that I have actually shared some forum time with over the past YEARS. In that post it talks about eschewing sugar and “white food”. Oh. I too have an autoimmune disease and have wondered over the years if I am celiac or not. But being a weenie or something, I have not wanted to commit to a celiac diet. How awful, right?
And and and then … I re-read SSTM‘s page on adrenals. I have a history of adrenal issues and I reckon that right now with all the emotional and environmental stress going on right now that my adrenalines are being thrashed – but on the upside, so much of the tight chest that I experienced through spring and summer of last year has not been around. OK. So maybe a little physical pause right now is not a terrible thing (but I wanna move – ugh). I was speaking to someone last week who was telling me that right now I just need to be around positive things and the Word do nothing but “breathe it in” – don’t try to serve or try to be good – but just BE immersed. (but I wanna move and I wanna see that scale number go down).
Later on I perused this article about “Walking the Talk”. With so many many years of reading and researching to “white knuckle” my way through bad thyroid and adrenaline days, my head is actually full of a lot of knowledge. And knowledge that does not match my body shape at all.
And THEN – I read this article titled “Do Whatever It Takes”. I questioned as I read this how much I do really and truly want to be slimmer and fitter. Am I really truly ready to go through blood, sweat and tears? And the answer is … “I don’t know”. I feel very empty and blank right now – so drained. I know I am fed up of where I am physically. I do not know the person that looks back at me in the mirror. I question my self-discipline a lot.
As I wrote that last paragraph, the image of Daniel just popped into my head. I talked this past week to someone about how I wished another person’s convictions were strong enough to set him above his environment. Well – are my convictions about my health and the knowledge I have readily in front of me stronger than my environment??
I am not going to make any swears or promises at this moment about a “next strategy” …..
The king of Israel answered, “Tell him: ‘One who puts on his armor should not boast like one who takes it off.'” ~ 1 Kings 20:11