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6 / insert swear word / and Paused

I weighed first thing this morning and was back up by 5. OK. So apparently I have some pretty wild water retention going on here and I am right in the middle of my cycle!

And I also have met with a stumbling block. I am currently nursing an injured father. He is strong and proud …. but also does not like to be alone. All day today I was by his side. I’m tired. And disheartened. And I feel a little dis-railed. But hey – it’s not me in the cast! (although I would rather it me than him to be honest …..). We did not have a radio or a TV on all day today. And my head was alone with its very own thoughts! Eeks! 😉

The first devotional I read today was delivered to my email. It is from Proverbs 31 and was titled “Nothing Tastes as Good as Peace”. The author of the devotional writes of her “sugar fast”.

And then later on I read this post on SSTM (Stop the Thyroid Madness) from a woman that I have actually shared some forum time with over the past YEARS.  In that post it talks about eschewing sugar and “white food”. Oh. I too have an autoimmune disease and have wondered over the years if I am celiac or not. But being a weenie or something, I have not wanted to commit to a celiac diet. How awful, right?

And and and then … I re-read SSTM‘s page on adrenals. I have a history of adrenal issues and I reckon that right now with all the emotional and environmental stress going on right now that my adrenalines are being thrashed – but on the upside, so much of the tight chest that I experienced through spring and summer of last year has not been around. OK. So maybe a little physical pause right now is not a terrible thing (but I wanna move – ugh). I was speaking to someone last week who was telling me that right now I just need to be around positive things and the Word do nothing but “breathe it in” – don’t try to serve or try to be good – but just BE immersed. (but I wanna move and I wanna see that scale number go down).

Later on I perused this article about “Walking the Talk”. With so many many years of reading and researching to “white knuckle” my way through bad thyroid and adrenaline days, my head is actually full of a lot of knowledge. And knowledge that does not match my body shape at all.

And THEN – I read this article titled “Do Whatever It Takes”. I questioned as I read this how much I do really and truly want to be slimmer and fitter. Am I really truly ready to go through blood, sweat and tears? And the answer is … “I don’t know”. I feel very empty and blank right now – so drained. I know I am fed up of where I am physically. I do not know the person that looks back at me in the mirror. I question my self-discipline a lot.

As I wrote that last paragraph, the image of Daniel just popped into my head. I talked this past week to someone about how I wished another person’s convictions were strong enough to set him above his environment. Well – are my convictions about my health and the knowledge I have readily in front of me stronger than my environment??

I am not going to make any swears or promises at this moment about a “next strategy” …..

The king of Israel answered, “Tell him: ‘One who puts on his armor should not boast like one who takes it off.'” ~ 1 Kings 20:11

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No exercise today. My weight came back down. My routine was different than most Saturdays. I allowed myself some retail therapy but did not enjoy it. And instead of going home to sit alone, I put myself around my family “in town”. Been very tired today. Went to bed early but woke to my father shouting in pain and hearing him tumble down the stairs.

Am sitting in the hospital now. I believe the injuries to be minor but as he is diabetic was best to have all checked out.

I did not want this blog to be emotional. I wanted a movement and fitness focus – but – will confess that today I am dealing with more sadness and worry than I would like to. I am hoping I can still make it to church but I am exhausted already and my night is not over and I have had a sharp adrenaline response tonight (history of adrenaline fatigue here). I am afraid to rest actually because I will stay at rest ….

4 / +4

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I am a little surprised I am not a little lower today due to dehydration and not a lot of food yesterday. It would not have been a real fat loss I know.

Today is a big day. Another day of movement albeit not physical exercise, but a day of shaking up some habits and routines.

This post will be brief or it will be all emotion. My eats were low yesterday – too low. Not good. And it is nearing 11 am now and I still have not had any food.Time to rectify that!

“There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place.”
Deuteronomy 1:31 (NIV)

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It hurts to confess my weight in numbers although anyone that sees me can clearly see that I am fat. The success rate of weight loss and then maintenance is very low. And even lower if I do not try, right?

Today – I moved. I moved off the couch. I got on my bike and went for 5 miles. I did not push hard although my legs became rubbery and my chest became tight. Sometimes I dismounted and walked. But I moved. I let myself into the sunshine that came out today. I took my self off of my couch.

I cried the whole way. And I prayed. But I moved.

I don’t know what is next regarding an exercise regime. I have no equipment and no money so that’s cool because I can find ways to be creative/resourceful about it. But today, I can celebrate because I moved even though I did not feel like it.